What’s my story?!?

I can’t remeber the last time I felt “normal”, so much has happened in the last four years.  Some really good stuff but some not so great too. I want to start with the happy parts , because they are more important and  what I want to hang on –  obviously … I got married, I had a daughter , we moved into a nice flat ( compared to where i lived in the past, lol), I met some lovely people and I stayed in contact with amazing friends , I had the opportunity to spend more time with my family, I met my in-laws and love them!! I probably have more things but I guess these are the most important.

So why do I complain so much?? Well my health is what failed me in the past 4 years and it took me by storm because from being a healthy 30 something travelling through Africa, I became a sick  slightly older stuck in my bed / home most of the time. When I was in Tanzania I got really sick and at first I thought , as did the doctors, that it was some kind of bug I got by living there. But nothing they were giving me was working, I was just getting worse and worse. So after a month I made the trip, on my own to Italy,  where my family live, to get some help. It only took a few days in hospital and some very good doctors to figure out what was wrong with me. I was diagnosed with Ulcerative colitis , which is a chronic condition that causes part of my digestive system to become inflamed and ulcerated. I remember vividly when the doctor told me what this was. I felt like I was falling in an endless tunnel and I couldn’t breathe. He said to me it was no big deal and I could easily control it and have a normal life. It took me 4 years , hospital stays, a long list of medications and lots of pain , physical and mental, to find something that works for me. And that is some pills to take morning and evening, and a day in hospital to get a drip every two months. That is for the physical side but what about mentally and emotionally?? That takes a lot of courage, strengtt and help from others.

I’m sure what works for me is different from other people but I guess as long as you find the right  thing for you it’s all good. For me it was therapy , for one year every week, meditation a9nd the amazing support from my family. In primis my hubby , who was with me everyday, every hospital stay, who held my hand every time I cried, who patiently stayed in with me, who helped me raised our baby and was open to learn what I needed.  My beautiful daughter doesn’t even know how much she helped me, she probably saved me from depression, she gave me a reason everyday to try my best and she gave me lot of cuddles.

So again you will ask , why am I complaining? I’m all better now, my ulceratice colitis is in remission, what more can i ask for? Well, I had a couple of good months and then something else started. An inexplicable pain that just doean’t go away. Imagine being in pain all day (that means night too) everyday.  It has now been 4 months, I have been through many tests and spoke to different doctors in two countries , but the only answer they gave me has been something called ” pelvic chronic pain syndrome”. What does it mean? Nothing. It means I have a chronic pain , located in my pelvis but they don’t know why.  Possibly my life is even worse now.

Does that mean I’m sad all the time? Does it mean I’m doing nothing all the time? Am i staying at home everyday? NO. NO. NO.  This time I was ready for the battle. I knew what it feels like to be unwell every day, going to hospital all the time, just going through shitty times. I am learning to control my pain with breathing and meditation. So far these are the only things that get me trough my pain. I’m learning to embrace my pain, not trying to push it away. I’m learning that sometimes I have to stay quiet till I feel better and then I can do something. Everyday is a battle but I’m happy to fight it because I’m alive and that’s what matters.

Self-love is essential, and no I don’t mean that kind. I mean eating well, taking time for yourself, doing anything that makes you feel good. You heard this before? Because it’s true!!! After reading this take a vow. Tomorrow start doing one thing that makes you feel good. I’ll do mine, I’ll start writing this blog… for me.

The Journey Begins #healthjourney

Thanks for joining me!

Almost 35, a husband, a daughter, a chronic condition that changed my life but it’s not going to run my show.

It’s time to stop, take a deep breath and take back my life. I’m giving myself the best gift you could ever get, Time to Heal. This is only possible because of my amazing husband that always supports my decisions and picks me up when I fall. My husband that actually taught me it’s ok to fail but it’s not ok to not try. My husband that has been with me in the ups and downs, from the very beginning. So I dedicate this new project (sharing my life in this blog) to him because he inspires me everyday to improve myself and fights for my right to be happy.

I’m also a mum of a 2 year old beautiful soul that can just about make few sentences (in loop all day long) but has been my rock since she was born or even since she was in my belly because I knew |I would never be alone again. I share a special connection with my baby that all my family always recognise. Just by looking into my eyes she gives me everyday the strenght to keep going, even when it’s hard.

Of course I’m also a woman that likes clothes, make up , skin care but with an eye open for eco conscious choices. I’m trying my best to get better with my everyday decisions that affect my health and the enviroment. I’m very far from being perfect but Hey I’m trying.

Love cooking, travelling and talking to strangers.

So I guess this is what I will write about on this blog, my life. I hope I  can get to meet other people that share the same interests that I do and learn from each other.

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton